Senator MacSchmeede: Mister Jingletree, do you know who I am? Have you ever read about me in every important newspaper, magazine or periodical in the Civilized World? Have you ever heard one of my Freedom Broadcasts on every Major Radio Network on this Continent? Have you ever viewed my Face on my Famous Telecasts that cover this entire country and are applauded by every Right Thinking American Patriot?

Miss Jingletree: I do.

Senator MacSchmeedee: Then you know I don't waste time getting at The Truth! Are you, or are you not, a homosexual? A pervert?

Miss Jingletree: No, your honor.

Senator MacSchmeedee: No! You mean to sit there in your baubles, bangles and beads, a grown man with a beard, and tell me you are not a pervert, have never been a pervert, or never intend to pervert again? Don't you be coy with me, you turncoat you! I repeat the question, et cetera!

Miss Jingletree: I am not a homosexual anymore, your excellency.

Senator MacSchmeedee: Ha! But you were once! You admit you were once!

And if you were once, why aren't you now?

Miss Jingle: If I had tonsils yesterday but don't have them today, can I have tonsillitis? Since December I've been a female, and am not interested in the female sex in any way, shape or form?

Senator MacSchmeedee: But you were homosexual at the time you were

serving in the Armed Forces, is that not a fact?

Miss Jingle: That depended, your grace.

Senator MacSchmeedee: On what, if I may be so uncouth as to inquire of you? Miss Jingle: You may. It depended on who was inquiring. Now, so far as you're concerned, sir, the answer would have been a definite no. I never cared much for the bestial in a man!

Senator MacSchmeedee: This is utterly ridiculous! Ridiculous, I say! I will cite you for contempt of Congress. I will

(Here there were soothing sounds for almost two minutes before the Committee continued with Mr. Platinumcradle.)

Mr. Platinumcradle: But supposing, hypothetically of course, Witness Jingletree. that a handsome movie star had inquired, before you er before you

changed your colors, if you were homosexual. What would have been your answer then?

Miss Jingletree: As a three dollar bill, sir.

(There was a short technical disturbance at this point; created, thinks Miss Jingletree, by the shifting of a tube of lipstick in her shoulder bag.)

Senator MacSchmeedee: Then you admit you had abnormal relations while

a member of the Armed Forces!

Miss Jingle: No. I did not have. I was in the service only three weeks and

I hardly had time to get my bearings.

Senator MacSchmeedee: Sir, you weren't fit to wear your uniform!

Miss Jingle: Well, I was forty pounds heavier then.

(Again there was a short disturbance, though Miss Jingletree recalls she was

using her lipstick at this time.)

Senator MacSchmeedee: And what kind of dismissal did you get?

Miss Jingle: I don't think I can answer that, your honor.

Senator MacSchmeedee: Constitutional Privileges! You hear? The Fifth Amendment again! I told you so all along!

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